The Authentic Guest

Visiting a professor of Tai Chi, hoping not to break some ancient Taiwanese taboo, I decided to apologize in advance for any "ugly American" idiocy over lunch. "Excuse me Master, I want to be a good guest, and I'm very aware of just how foreign I might seem - all white hair, blue eyes and Yankee-ness. Aside from being from Mars, would you please tell me if I'm doing something off base and impolite?"

He lingered for a moment, contemplating his soup bowl, and then said, "Jennifer, a Taoist prefers an authentic guest.”

Wow. Forgiveness, permission and a lesson in one sentence.

Perhaps there's a connection between the way I was thinking in Taiwan and the way many view the world of training. At issue, the desire to avoid embarrassment by not doing anything wrong. It appears that traditional training is founded on the desire to make people “look like good speakers by correcting bad habits" – a core intention – which we believe to be misguided, wasteful and destructive. At the risk of redundancy, it’s one thing to “look like” a good speaker; quite another to actually be a good speaker.

Most training, with its concern about grinding away all the preexisting bad habits and producing a smooth, inoffensive exterior; manufactures a product that isn't bad. Yet enforcing all the rules and backing people into a safe mold, produces an outcome that is not yet good and absolutely isn't genuine. Such training yields a person without any obvious bad habits, who can talk for a while on a business subject while behaving in a bland, safe and normal manner. They will not offend anyone. So if your definition of good is "the Absence of Bad" then this is your ticket. But in reality, the absence of bad simply equates to ordinary. Attempting to become ordinary, average or safe doesn't strike us as a great accomplishment. Such an individual, while safe and inoffensive, is still a loser.

We look at it this way: the combination of habits and behaviors someone brings to the platform are an expression of who they are, what they know, and how they see the world and their contribution to it. Telling them to stand differently only addresses the physical part of the equation. If you ask them what they intend to express – or accomplish – by speaking; you engage the whole being. As they start engaging fully, their posture improves, along with their language and eye contact. The bad stuff falls away as they connect body and spirit through mind. Fusion. Sure, we can contribute helpful learnings about structure, argumentation and the artful use of visual aids and props. But the real magic is when we get someone to be authentic. And authenticity (even without polish) wins! Winners are not known for their lack of badness, but for putting you in touch with their special, unusual and authentic worldview. Their goal – and ours – is not safety, but greatness.

So why "force" everyone into a three-box template? Fair question. (Of course, we suggest two, three or four...) But remember, we're not saying you must, but that audiences seem to prefer lists of two, three or four... after that, they zone out. So what do you intend for them to do, what's the best way to accomplish that with the audience of human beings at hand? Short, sweet, well structured and delivered with every ounce of creativity and desire you can muster! Don't worry about offending! Concentrate on being an authentic guest, and you'll win the day!

“Fear Is Not Solved By Facts!”

J. R. St. John
Speaker, Consultant, Business Woman
Founder of The Fusion Group
(1952 - )
 
In this environment, where the news constantly brings word of another confusing or polarizing development, it’s not surprising that audiences can many times be characterized as “frozen by fear and indecision.”

A sad by-product of our mentally bifurcated culture is that we often find speakers and sales associates attempting to erase or address our fears by citing facts. Why? Well because it’s what they’re good at.

As any mother can tell you; when the children are afraid is not the time to prove that there’s no monster in the closet. What is called for is some old fashioned comfort and genuine interested listening!

You say you’re a wholesaler and you’re not being paid to stop and listen or empathize – but simply to talk; then get on the road to the next appointment. Really?

Because the fact is: Your clients can get your information just about anywhere. The mail. The Web. The Media. But the single thing they can’t get anywhere else is a genuinely interested partner – listening full tilt.

Give a little thought to this: What’s in the boxes is important – it’s the main reason for speaking. But what you put in between the boxes (the “empty space” between the facts…) is what can set you apart from the competition; and allow the client to see you as the only person out there willing to connect with and resolve their fears.

“Attention must be paid.”

– Excerpted from "Death of a Salesman"
   by Arthur Miller
   American Playwright
  (October 17, 1915 – February 10, 2005)

"Pay Attention!" You hear it from Childhood.

“Look at me when I talk to you!”

The phrases don’t do the concept justice.

Attention is a little bit like money. It comes in the form of particles…which are very valuable. You can spend them. Withhold them. Make a gift of them. Keep them for important occasions. Or waste them – much like money. There are limits though, to how many attention particles you might generate at any moment…So they are rare – special!

Catch someone unaware and send a particle at them – look! And they’ll feel it and look back, startled. They might react, smile, blush, flinch, duck, bristle…the opportunities are endless. They feel the weight of the particle and respond/react to it. And their reaction tells the tale of their character and their immediate state of mind.

Attention particles have flavors – as many as you can conceive. Interest. Curiosity. Desire. Distaste. Fear. Anger. Lust. Disinterest. Appreciation. Trust. You get the idea.

Ever spoken to a group? Get keyed up? It’s all those particles – takes a while to absorb them and then calm down. It’s a "high" that all performers acknowledge. The power of group attention (and we hope, adulation) can change your physical state and raise your metabolism.

It’s just that strong.

So. What?

Notice how you are spending your rare attention particles.

Are your children getting their share? How about your mate? How about your office or patrol partner? People in your platoon, on your floor, on your team?

People who are “attentive” are “attending” to the human need and desire for attention among families, friends and communities. “Paying Attention” is a powerful way of saying that the person you are looking at is important.

Spend it wisely.

As a speaker, manager, sales professional or leader, your attention signature will be an immediate indicator as to your power and charisma – or lack thereof. The ability to focus and direct the flow of attention particles anywhere, anytime, for any duration is one feature that distinguishes the most formidable speakers and people.

Attention must be paid.

Invest it wisely.

It will be repaid – with interest.

“I’m having a conversation with my audience, and we’ll both be dead by the time we’re done.”

– Bruce Frederick Joseph Springsteen “The Boss” 
American Songwriter, Performer, Rock & Roll Star 
(September 23, 1949 - )

"Speeches" are a bit more declarative. Plays more dominated by the script. Presentations more work and outcome focused. But all are at their best when they become conversations.

But it’s not really about call and response – we’ve all sat through rote unison reading and responsive hoo-hah. This is the real thing: When a speaker says something and looks out into the audience and divines the direction and emotion of the last row…it’s not about the verbal response but about the connection.

The real skill a great presenter brings to the arena is the speed with which they can take the conversation to depth.

In our judgment, that skill is comprised of a solid connection, a clear intention and a lofty purpose. It’s a Fusion of body, mind and spirit.

Bring this skill into your life by breaking your paragraphs down and delivering the sentences one at a time – taking a breath in between. See what happens. If you garner some interest, continue. If you get a question, that’s a win! You gain points in this exercise by stimulating the interchange. As your skill improves, you’ll discover that you become interesting to the degree you manifest interest in the listener.

Stop presenting, acting, declaiming and airing your point of view and start a few more conversations!

The Tie Break

“Well we all have a face that we hide away forever.  And we take them out and show ourselves when everyone has gone.  Some are satin some are steel. Some are silk and some are leather.  They're the faces of the stranger but we love to try them on.”

“The Stranger”
– Billy Joel
  American musician and pianist
  (1949-

Two Equally Qualified Firms...

Pitching for the same business. The matrix scores are dead even. The pitch docs are three inches deep and equally unread. Two teams with scholarly, thoughtful men and women. Impressive client lists, billions under management. Nice scarves, serious suits. Sharp brief cases. DETAILED presentations, intensely reasoned, covering the multitude of issues. Everyone’s donned their costume for the occasion…

Then, approaching a climactic summit, the speaker drops his pen and the spell is broken – THIS is a turning point.

That single unscripted accident gives us a momentary glimpse behind the mask and into the mind and character of the man – how will he react to this "intrusion on the plan?"

He stops, smiles a little and fixes you with a direct glance and says, off script; "You know, the real test of a Portfolio Team is how they handle the unforeseen event." He bends, picks up his pen and goes back to the material. He's got your full attention and later over coffee, that is the moment which everyone recalls – the tie break. The masterful improvisation under pressure.

It's ironic. We work so hard to create the perfect team pitches that bring us merely dead even with the competition. But that scripted perfection tends to obscure, rather than reveal the true character of the people on the team. In the arena, it is actually the unforeseen events and small mistakes which can bore through our layers of arranged intellectual camouflage to reveal who we really are. Our style in handling the accidents and challenges in the pitch room, or in life, are the tiny windows into character that allow us to determine who we trust, respect and sometimes hire. The accidents strip away the mask and leave the person revealed – and we can then choose to like them or not…

Some suggestions:

When Pitching:
The script earns you the right to be in the room. Yet the questions and accidents will often break the tie. Practice improvising! Develop your poise and reflexes for handling the unforeseen event. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse!

When Receiving a Pitch:
Surely the content – the text – is important, but find a way to force the occasional improvisational moment on the team. The way the individual and their colleagues handle it will give you ample additional information about who these people are, and whether you want them on your business.

Less is More

– Mies van der Rohe
  American-German Architect
  (1886-1969)

The "Discipline of Improvisation"

"Improvisation is too good to leave to chance."

– Paul Simon
  American Singer and Songwriter
  (1941

  

It's an oxymoron of course, because everyone who's seen Improv on stage knows there's no earthly form of discipline in that uncontrolled, free-form combination of humor, self-examination and public excoriation. Or is there?

We like Improv because it implies that somewhere, somehow we might all be able to get up there and "wing it" successfully, leaving the stage with applause ringing in our ears. But wait! Is there more to it? Do you suppose that first "Where you from?" joke was a plant? Do they pay a guy to offer up a known question? Of course not, but in order for “the process” to work, the comic has to memorize fifty jokes about specific cities and twenty generics with insert-able names. That's for the first riff. And that is some serious discipline.

Each artist has a series of riffs, usually with a specific order and a choice of directions each riff can go, depending on the answers the crowd offers up. Often these riffs adhere to an organizational structure. It's like playing an entire winning game of chess in advance with all the options allowed for. Then there's the delivery: fast, slow, studied; all to give the impression that it just occurred to the speaker. If he's doing it right, he listens to the other performers, the audience and the unique shared reality they are creating together and honors the First Rule of Improv: “Yes, and Go!” (When you are given a piece of information you must run with it and trust that your training and practice will kick in.) The audience can't tell that it was largely prepared in advance. It appears magically – just for you! It appears unique. It appears spontaneous. And it is – but not, completely.

And the second show starts in an hour – with the same material. It's the most disciplined form of theater. It only looks raw. Underneath the surface are three things: a mountain of prepared material, a structure which allows for riffs to be snapped in or out, and endless rehearsal and practice; which makes each riff appear fresh – as if it was conceived in the moment. It's the "as if" that makes Improv so seductive, so apparently new. The magic works because the unchanging structure allows the comic to relax and become totally focused on the interaction with the audience, while picking the most appropriate next riff. The comic just relaxes and "places the punch line." While the audience is digesting and applauding, the comic is selecting the next riff and serving it up, at just the right "unplanned" moment.

Bringing the material, the underlying structure and the soft delivery together is an art – and it's anything but undisciplined. The improvisation is in choosing which prepared riff comes next, and making it look easy.

Is there a lesson here for anyone not looking for a career at Second City? What can we learn or take from Improv? (Pay attention out there on the phones, in the field and the boardroom!)

1. Pre-planning makes things go right. If you're prepared, you can more easily roll with what comes.
2. A simple standard structure (Uh, “Ready, Set, Go!”?) means you don't have to change the system every time you speak. Stick to the format. Change the content, the openings, the props – but leave the structure in place. You'll never get lost again.
3. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse! It will elevate your delivery and allow your natural style to emerge while freeing your mind to listen and connect.

The content earns you the right to the lectern. A "signature" delivery style gets you remembered; and delivering on your promises gets you invited back!

 A little more discipline please! Improvise!